Dear....

Dear ________,
I like you. I like you in ways I never liked someone else.
It's so stupid. Why did you have to do this to me.
There are days I can be so over you and there are days I can see you
and my hearts forgets to beat and my eyes forget to blink.
My lungs forget to inhale and for a moment I left the world. At least that's
what it seems like. Right now I am unsure of what I want from you, but I know
that I do want you. In some way or form. I told you this before, so I'm pretty sure
that you know. However I am totally unclear on what is that you feel. On one hand
I can believe that you have these same feelings but on the other it could
all have been a game. I do believe that we have a chemistry that is strong and
undeniable. I believe that we both want the same thing on different levels. I'm
not trying to rush anything that is not wanted or unsure. If we could start over,
I think that would be a good idea. It is up to you. I think whatever we have between
us is crazy/beautiful. By the way, this elementary school fronting that we do is stupid!
I'm ready to stop when you are, if you are. I am really scared to even do what I'm thinking,
however I am trying to take risk and do what my heart tells me. I like you.

Sincerely,
Samantha.

Venting...

Seriously, I have been stuck with these thoughts in my head for the last couple months and its getting overwhelming. I seriously don't know what to do with them. I figure if these thoughts are recurring then I need to act on them. My only fear is what would happen after the fact. However I am very fond of this quote, "Replace the fear of the unknown with curiosity." I am young and I should explore all that life throws at me and life keeps throwing this same ball at me. My only thing is that I don't want to misread this for something else. I don't know. You only live once, and this is the time to live right? I just don't wanna live stupidly.

Type Deep...

“There comes a point when you just love someone. Not because they’re good, or bad, or anything really. You just love them. It doesn’t mean you’ll be together forever. It doesn’t mean you won’t hurt each other. It just mean you love them. Sometimes in spite of who they are, and sometimes because of who they are. And you know that they love you, sometimes because of who you are, and sometimes in spite of it.” ~Laurell K. Hamilton (Incubus Dreams)

#DAYUMM!!

So I'm watching this video, already knowing its gonna go side ways but it really was kind of sad. You could definitely tell tht homie did oh-girl wrong. That was the only reason he was purposing to her. Smh so sad. Marriage has come to this in 2011. I really believe the whole meaning of "love" and "marriage" is just some stupid concept made by man. Anyways, you tell me...

The Proposal from Mims Media on Vimeo.

Clearing Out My Mind...Interlude

Lately I've been meaning to blog, but really haven't a minute to do so. So I'm not going get right into what I've been wanting to talk about but I'll give some general statements. This is only a interlude. In the past few weeks, I've had a lot of epiphanies, revelations, change of thoughts and I've just been trying to get it all together. A lot of it has been towards relationships and sex. Yep, what else right? lol. Psh anyways. My main epiphany was that I should live my life cause I only will live it once. I got this damn epiphany from a movie (Fast Five). It really hit me though. I don't know why then all of sudden. But its true nonetheless. There is "something" I wanna do with a certain "someone" and I looked at it from a new perspective. One that isn't covered in my morals or values. Not to say that this decision would compromise my morals. I don't think that it does. If you want to be with someone and thats your choice, what you want, then it shouldn't. YOU LIVE LIFE ONCE! I can get hit by a friggin' meteor tomorrow and die! Like die. If I don't do the things that I think about and want to enjoy I'll be in heaven with all these regrets.I mean I don't think its that serious but u get my drift. I'm here waiting around for some damn fairytale and more than likely its not coming! Its not. My mom never put no fairytales in my head. Neither did my aunt. They always tell me the raw deal about the world of relationship. Lord knows why I have these secret thoughts of falling in love (yes, falling in love. I said sceret), having this great fulfilling relationship with this great guys and have this romantic future. I listen to too many damn rnb songs. But yeah how I see it is that he isn't coming. The person I thought to be that person was a damn facade! #truestory. And the person that is the "someone" I have no idea what we are doing. But I know i do "want" that person. I wouldn't mind doing that "something" only if it would be significant....TO BE CONTINUED...

#NiceStyle

So, I'm pretty sure yall know the new song "Girls (Who Run the World) by Beyonce. Today is suppose to be the airing of the new video. I thought I found it on youtube but this is someone else video version of it. Its not a video video but its very creative. The way the girls were dressed in this video was pretty awesome. It was a nice sexy, urban flare. The choreography was BANANAS! Y'all should really check it out! Watch the whole thing, I'm sure you will like it. I wanna start dressing like that lol. Seriously tho -__- lol

Need a Good laugh?

So about 2, 3 weeks ago I was put on to the funniest ish ever! These 4 guys call themselves, "Dormtainment" and they are hilarious! They do these well put together skits in their dorms and they are soo friggin hilarious.

This is their site: http://dormtainment.com/

Highly recommended videos to watch are:

Jamaicans will dance

Trading Places

Pretty Girl rock

The Word Bitch

This is to0o0 cute!

I Gotta Be Cover #Nice

There songs I love that few people can sing and get right. This was a pretty good try. I give it like a 90%. The acoustic stepped it up =D

#Fail or #noFail, That is the ?

So Omarion in recent news has chose to remake to old skool rnb songs. He first did "Come and Talk to me" by Jodeci and renamed it "Come and F$#K" with me. It was iiiiight. Mario's was a bit better, jus saying... Now he redid Aaliyah's "One in a Million", paying homage. It was a nice idea but I don't know how I feel about this. The vocals aint too great? What you guys think?

WE IN THE YOUNG ELITE MAGAZINE!

Baby Mama > Dark Wifey> Light ...

You're probably wondering what the hell am I talking about. Its so much in our face, we don't even realize. What am I trying to get at? Haven't you noticed, or is it just me, that majority of baby mamas are dark than a brown paper bag and "wifeys" are the opposing side of the spectrum. I've observed this for quite some time now. My first observations were that dark skinned men preferred lighter skin women and lighter skinned men preferred darker women. Its in everyday life and depicted on television. I'm buggin? Don't laugh, but have you ever watched ONE ON ONE? Flex always had lighter skinned girlfriends. Hey, wait...wasn't his baby mother dark skinned?? O_o...Anddd on Martin, his girlfriend Gina was light light light skin. Hmmm what else...Ooo0o The Game...Melanie is wifey, Janay is baby mama. I love Melanie and all but she did some crazy stuff. All Janay did was love Derwin and he chose Melanie over her. I digress but this even goes beyond complexion. It goes as far as race. Many black men have black baby mothers and when opportunity hits they marry them a woman of another race. Again, not all and I'm not being a hater. By all means, I believe that there are many interracial couples that have true pure love. It just makes me a bit upset when I hear, "I don't like black women." What kinda ish is that?! Maybe your not attracted to black women for what ever reason. Don't classify us all. Anddd if you say cuz we have an attitude, you're crazy! Yes we know them other women are submissive but gosh! Smdh...Again I digress...Back to the topic...what do you think?? Check it out, do some research and prove me wrong if you can.

Album Art created by MWAH!

Lil Wayne suppose to move :(

Couple of things...

So, this needs no introduction. This is like my favorite new song! I've been def vibing to it for a min! It's called Feel Love by Sean Garrett ft. J.Cole. Its a beautiful song. It jus make u all tingly inside lmbo0o. So this is the video. I actually had my own video concept for it, but this one works well. Enjoy!

Now, question lol. What do you think of this. I have a really good friend who is single. She's beautiful, smart, and jus all around great. I saw this FINEEEE ASS dude at this party I attended tonight where he was the waiter. I found him to be very attractive but all I could do was see them together. So I approached him and asked him if he was single and his age and told him about my friend and how I can see them together and how great she is. He blushed and he gave me his number and told me to give it to her. Now, does that make her look desperate. I asked for the face book but he gave the digits. So I'm saying....was I wrong for that ?? I truely think they would be a good look. Comment and let me kno, thanks.

UNBELIEVABLY PRETTY ADS!!

Meant to blog...but...lol

So this whole week I've been meaning to blog, but I've been busy...or lazy lol. Nah jus busy. So whats been happening? Had the 2nd photoshoot for #DeviantAngels! It went well. I'll post some pics of the behind the scenes. Today I'm headed to Barbados, hopefully the shirts take well there and we get this money!! Oww!

New Shirts ON SALE!!

There herrrrrrrreeeeeee!!

The Unbelievably Pretty shirts are here!

$20 EACH!

LOOK OUT 4 THE PHOTO-SHOOT!

#DEVIANTANGELS!

For the Colored Girls...

I just finished watching For the Colored Girls. That was such a great movies, hands down. It brings out all these emotions and thoughts that us black girls try to bury deep down. Now, see me, I am a very radical thinker at times. Sometimes, well a lot of the times I have my pro-black thoughts. Tonight, I had all of that plus the emotions of a black girl overwhelming me.

I believe that I am a strong Colored female. Don't ask me why I said colored. Actually, people would tell me that. Oh your not black, you just colored. I would look at them like what? They be like aint you Spanish. Me, in the past year, became very pro black culture. So of course I hit em with knowledge, telling them I am black. Yes I have Hispanic in me but Hispanics are of African descent, colonized by the Spaniards, why you think we come in so many shades, just like black people. We were raped by the mother countries, physically and mentally. Thats why there are so many self hating, ignorant black people like Lil Wayne in this world. Not to get off the subject to much (imma save this for another post) but I always had this issues with why black men seem to prefer white or asian women over us, especially white. I figured a lot of reasons, like stability and they won't give em attitude. I watched Malcolm X and in the movie they made a very valid point to why they do. Black men, not all, some, like fairer skin black women and white women because sub-consciously they are obtaining the white man's prize, which is the white woman. So yea thats one I realized among other things.

Back to this movie and being a girl. It was so true. I think every black girl can look at this movie and see pieces of them in each character. The girl who doesn't leave the relationship and refuses to the see she deserves better. The girl who lets this guys keep coming back cuz he promises things will change. We give so much of our power to these guys, and not all these guys are bad, but ehh a lot of them are. Its sad cuz its like we so use to the treatment of black men we dont even see it. They grab at us in the street, saying we so fine and the moment we don't respond, we all types of bitches and slut. If we dont' fuck em we stupid and wack, if we do we sluts. Smh. I believe that our weakness as black girls is our desire to wanna love and receive love. I can definitely admit that its my weakness.

A lot of our fathers aren't in our lives so we have the daddy's girl complex, looking for daddy. See my dad, yea he married a Asian woman, who takes care of him and what not. Thats what theywant. Thank God I have a strong mother who broke that cycle of giving the man the entree and the side. I remember seeing a lot of this growing up. I guess that formeda big part of my personality and my perspective on relationships. I really despise cheaters and liars. I refuse to take car of no man unless there is a mutuality. I am not your servant, ESPECIALLY if you gon' cheat on me and treat me like shit, HELL NOO!! However if you show me love and respect, I would do anything for you, whoever u are lol. I found myself reflecting back on relationship I had and seeing how i was then and now. Not to say, oh, I'm so much more wiser and i know all the answers, cuz thats def not the case. I seen that I've become very shielded and closed heart and strong all wrapped up. Which I really don't know is a good thing. When I talk to guys, I try not to show any emotions or get wrapped up, I guess as a defense mechanism. I had one deep connected relationship that I saw was not good but found myself not wanting to leave it. We try to convince ourselves that it will get better or the person will change, knowing damn well they not. A lot of it is us not wanting to start over or fear that no one else would want us or that "he" is it when its DEFINITELY NOT the case. I've learn that much. The difficult part about that though is trying to apply it when you got of these female emotions in the way. Its a bitch. Then its crazy, cuz now we the scolded, angry black woman that have all this attitude and push them to white women.

Aint life funny smh. My way of just making it thru the day is my determination to be successful. Heartbreak is my biggest motivation. If you do what you gotta do for you, the pain hurts less, in the day, at night, its a different story. I just think about my success and how all those lames hurt me are looking at me now lol. But fa real, its hard to be a girl, even harder to be a black girl.

Hate to the Dark Skin Nation SMDH!

Oh hellllllllllllll nah! I am utterly disappointed in Lil Wayne. He is a new member of the self hating dark skin nation. Read this article, compliments of "http://necolebitchie.com". This ish is so crazy. Sadly, he is not the only celebrity to say that dark skin females and/or people are ugly. Other's who felt this way are: Neyo, Omarion, and this lame Taio Cruz. Neyo claimed that dark skin babies and children are not as cute as light skin children and babies/ The hell was he!!?? Omarion said he doesn't like dark skin girls cause his mother is light skin. Thats just dumb. Okay ,yeah you want someone like ur moms but really. This dude Taio Cruz was asked why doesnt he have black girls in his videos, he said when he finds a pretty one he will then said that since people are so concerned that he doesn't, he will never put a black girl in his videos. Smh. Its so sad that black men hate black women like that. We good enough to f#$@ and take care ya kids but we not beautiful. Smh.

This is the article:

http://necolebitchie.com/2011/01/06/did-lil-wayne-really-say-that/#more-109647

Its sad tho cuz the whole hip hop community sublimanlly degrades darker skinned females. Look at music videos. All light skinned females, that one token dark skin, or just spanish girls, light ones not dark ones.

Good Girl Fighting the world

I definitely tryna to keep up with this blogging cause I do enjoy it. Last night I got a few reactions from my last post. I didn't realize that people even really looked or paid attention. One viewer, I was kinda embarrassed, had viewed it. ::bbm blush face::

After I found out, I had a conversation with a good friend of mine, not going to say any names. The person brought to my eyes that I may be closed hearted. Its weird cuz I heard this before. I actually heard this from a guy I use to only talk to. My thing is that I wasn't sure if I was closed hearted to the person I was last in a relationship with. I don't think so. From the inside looking out I don't think so but if am I had no clue. Its definitely not my intension to be closed heart. I look at it this way: An open heart is like an open wound. I really do believe that I am cursed. The moment I let me guard down and let happiness come in, the universe snatches it away. DEADDDD ASSSS!!I even wrote a poem about it. I mean i don't know why and frankly I stopped caring.
Back to the conversation me and my friend had. So me and her are oh so pretty, very smart, don't have kids, don't smoke, don't drink...like that lol (I quit), and aren't sluts. So we wonder why we can't find a good relationship with a good guy. Not to say we haven't, cuz I def experienced one good relationship, which I'm happy about. It just seems like I'm more alone and sad rather than in a happy relationship. See now, I learned to cope with it, sad truth. What we tryna figure out is why we keep seeing NON-EDUCATED, GHETTO, FUGLY females with good dudes. I don't get it! A couple...a few of us don't get it. My last relationship, I felt very much appreciated it, more than I ever had, but I'm not gonna dwell on that. My question is: Is the power of the P U S S Y that serious? Cuz damn! I learned to tap in to my pretty girl swag early this year lol. I'm back on it now. But just wondering? Is that what make relationships last or work? Sex? Cuz maybe thats where I've been messing up lol. And if thats the case, imma be alone for a while longer. I'll tell u this tho, my husband, or even my "hubby" gonna be the luckiest man in the world.
I do kno people that have good relationships and they good looking couples, maybe every person is different. However I still believe that the world is one big game that every one is playing. I refuse to play. If I'm looked at sideways cuz I don't sleep with guys, smoke, drink, and I like to read, oh well. Yall jus pushing me closer to Mario lol....I'm not done this is just what I had in mind today.

Sex first, love later?

Curses of a Girl's Heart

I know its a new year and all, but I'm still trying to get over memories of the past. Its hard when they are such great memories. So I guess its not getting over memories, just the person. This has probably been the hardest I fell for someone cuz they where absolutely perfect. I guess shit happens right? That over there < is a picture of him on our last date. I didn't put up a pic of his face because people from facebook might see this and they don't need to know we dated. But anywhoo0o0...I guess this is just my way of venting out. These are some songs I've been feeling since it ended.

-Outta My System Bow Wow ft. T-Pain

-How You Gonna Act Like That Tyrese

- Feel Love Sean Garrett ft. J.Cole <3>

Feel love is the song currently playing on the site.

Muahs to our future children, Troy. T nd Lauren T. (lol) Mommy misses u.

Happy New Years!!

Hey Everyone! Happy New years! This is gonna be a even more productive year! 2010 was the beginning of Deviant Angels and 2011 is going to be year we get even bigger. Last year we had the launch party, got a celebrity for a lil support and adding more memebers the the Deviant Family. This year we gonna make it to 106 and park and hit a whole 'nother audience. Also, I'm working on the male line since I got such a huge support base from them. I definitely love and appreciate all of you.

This week, The UNBELIEVABLY PRETTY SHIRT should be on the market to sale so make sure you hit me up for that if you are interested, which I know many of you are! The photo-shoot for that shirt will be next week. Hopefully my goal to make this in to a big self esteem campaign can and with your help we can def do that!

So the concept behind the shoot....I'm not going tell u lol, just have to see but here's a lil hint....